Seek

Detached

It’s not that I chose to be distant.

I never wanted to lose you,

It just happened over time.

I journeyed down the wrong path.

You still live within me though,

the presence  lingers in my mind and body.

I want to become closer to you so badly,

but my soul just feels so empty and numb.

Who knows, maybe we’ll be reunited someday.

In a way that our bond will be unbreakable.

But for now,

I walked down a different path,

And i wish to come back to you someday.

Lost

The problem comes up

when we start to lose our upbringing.

When we start to forget how we believed.

I went down a different path constantly,

hearing what others had to stay and getting lost

within their words.

I was foolish,

almost gullible.

I threw away what i believed in because of

others opinions.

Now i am here,

forgetting,

struggling.

Still, the only hope i have left

is knowing that the Most Merciful,

Most Forgiving,

and the All Mighty is up there.

Guiding me like its my life plan all along,

waiting to bring me back to Him

when i am stronger

and a better person.

Happiness

What does it take to be happy? I don’t know, I have never known. I’ve always thought it was genuinely given to a person, as if it was a gift from God. But it is learned. Something that can either take a few minutes, or even forever to learn. As a person who struggles with depression and anxiety, happiness comes in time. A long time, which needs a ton of patience. Sometimes the wait is unbearable, where you don’t know when you’ll finally be happy. You sit there, waiting, and waiting for the day to come. It’s as if you’re going to be freed from jail, but it can either be at any moment, a couple of years, or never. The jail is my mind, as if I’m tied down to my own thoughts and forced to overthink each and every one of them that race by. Happiness is learned. Happiness comes in time. Don’t get me wrong, I get happy. I’m grateful for all those moments where I can smile uncontrollably. But those moments come rarely now. And i wish they didn’t.

Same ol’ Way

Honestly,

I don’t know who i am

I make constant mistakes

That I don’t understand.

So many chances

Taken for granted,

And here i am

Waiting, waiting.

Mistake after mistake

And thinking everything would be just fine

Like the time before all this went down.

Im not a good man, I’m a cold man.

Cold as in things don’t stay.

Word after word,

You telling me right from wrong,

And yet i never learn,

I don’t think i ever belonged.

I have no patience,

No room for error,

But you’re looking at a person

Who loves all his flaws.

Maybe by the will of God,

I will learn one day

But for now,

I think I’ll end up

Staying the same old way.

 

 

Poems

Hey guys! I’ve been posting regularly on Instagram.com/fs.yousaf , so definitely check that out. And I opened an Etsy shop at etsy.com/shop/FSYousaf. I’m selling 2 poems for $2. I’m mainly using it to be able to afford ink and other things to keep my writing going. Thank for for the continuous support, and I’ll be posting more poems soon!

Ramadan

Every year, one month out of 12. A blessed month where people reaffirm their beliefs and try to make themselves better for the year to come. Battling demons and desires as they truly want to change for the better. You see people that rarely show their faces, you eat food with groups, and getting to know others. A month where old habits die and new ones are trying to be maintained. This is where evil tends to dies, and good is supposed to be born.

Growing up, I always strived to be the best Muslim, especially in the month of Ramadan. Since i started going to college and working, my time is gone and i wish i could have done so much more in the past. I always wanted to memorize the Quran, I wanted to read more as the days went by. But now, I can barely fit a couple of pages in a day. It has become a month of struggle. Struggling to get back on the right track and struggling to fight against the bad habits that you got used to in the past months. I was always told that some people speak with their tongue, and speak with their heart. I’ve read posts and articles about people finally feeling some sort of peace in their prayers and finally, internally accepting Islam after years of just practicing. I ache and I pray that one day, before I’m gone from this world, that I can feel that peace that others feel in their soul. The feeling of finally accepting and being rewarded for trying their best. Islam is beautiful, and I pray that one day, I can lock all my devils away, and fall in love with something so great.