10 Hours (And Then Some)

My eyes open slowly, with some struggle, as if weights were tied onto the lashes. Its 12:02 P.M. and I lay there groaning, just thinking of why in the world I would go to sleep at an ungodly time like 3 A.M. My head lightly pounds, in intervals, as if a high school marching band drummer is following a routine, and it sucks. The whole morning is gone and I can only think that the day is ending in T-minus 10 hours. What could i possibly accomplish in merely 10 hours?

I’m 22 1/2, father time is catching up to me slowly and giving me exactly what I deserve for testing my whole limitations.

So, we were talking about 10 hours, right? What could one do in 10 measly hours? Well I could play video games all day, that could work. Or I can plan for a very difficult (and some may say, torturous) semester. I could sit down and think of the next great novella, or even poetry book, or I can sit down and watch my laptop all day, constantly refreshing the amount of books I’ve sold in their lifetime.

The possibilities are endless I suppose.

But in all honesty, what could a person do in 10 hours?

  1. Read a book
  2. Write more poems
  3. Pray
  4. Hit the gym
  5. Donate money
  6. Talk to your mom
  7. And your sisters
  8. Maybe even visit your dad who just came back from Pakistan
  9. Cradle your newborn nephew
  10. Play with your 3 year-old nephew
  11. Hang out with your friends
  12. Think of all the places you can travel to once YOU. HAVE. MONEY.
  13. Text the wife
  14. Go for a run
  15. Meditate
  16. Watch some netflix
  17. FaceTime the wife
  18. See the wife (she’s gonna kill me for how far down the list this is)
  19. Go to Starbucks
  20. Reconnect with high school friends (LOL pass)
  21. Fight with random people over twitter (Never do)
  22. Retweet funny memes
  23. Spend unreasonable amount of time on Reddit
  24. Watch some football (Rip Jets)
  25. Talk to brand new people
  26. Eat some good food and be grateful you have teeth
  27. Write the next great poem that’s as messed up as ‘Daddy’ by Sylvia Plath
  28. Listen to music
  29. Lay in bed and think of how people actually elected Donald Trump
  30. Have an existential crisis
  31. And a mental breakdown
  32. Also wonder why you’re back in bed
  33. Oh you can drive to Toronto in 8 hours
  34. 6 hours to Buffalo even
  35. Contemplate why you didn’t do more with your life, even though you’re only 22 years YOUNG.
  36. Uhm I think that may be it
  37. I should def try this blogging thing out
  38. Also this blog post only took me 28 minutes to make
  39. I should def revise it.
  40. But ill be back soon hopefully with more thought out posts
  41. i was just really inspired at the moment.

What The Eyes See

I’ve heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I’ve heard that a lot actually. Whatever you see goes straight to how we are. Right to our inner core, and that has an ability to change us. And some things might be a good change, and some bad. It’s a process. Personally for me, I’ve mostly seen bad. If views could kill, i wouldn’t be here right now. I mean, I’m grateful for the life i have. I’m grateful for every morning, every night, and every time i escape something unhurt. But I’m not grateful for the bad things in life. The tough times, yea, i am grateful for because they make me stronger, but not the bad times. They have a totally scarring effect on a persons being. Even heartbreak has a nice spot on the soul. I’ve seen yelling, fighting, screaming, separation, and sadly, even abuse. And these weren’t stories i heard from third parties, these were up and close, and very personal. It leaves a mark on a person where it just can’t be undone. Where every fight you heard resonates through your body and every bruise is left on the people around that helplessly watched. It goes right to the inner most part of the being and scars terribly.  I wish i didn’t get to see what i lived with or even grew with. I wore a dismal mask in front of others and hoped no one would see the marks left by my own thoughts. Sure, i am the man because of the terrible actions of others, but am i the right man? The quirks of the past plague me and i just have to sit and wonder why God made me the messy piece that i am today.

Yea, a messy piece. But were all works in progress, right? Im 20 years old, a junior in college. People have told me that I’ve gone through more issues than most 20 year olds have. Its hard, but still, we’re all works in progress. The scars will remain on my soul till the day i die, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be damaged forever. Artists paint with mistakes, over, and through, and still make something beautiful. I hope that one day my wounds can be a part of a huge canvas of improvements and tranquility, because after all, we are all just trying.