10 Hours (And Then Some)

My eyes open slowly, with some struggle, as if weights were tied onto the lashes. Its 12:02 P.M. and I lay there groaning, just thinking of why in the world I would go to sleep at an ungodly time like 3 A.M. My head lightly pounds, in intervals, as if a high school marching band drummer is following a routine, and it sucks. The whole morning is gone and I can only think that the day is ending in T-minus 10 hours. What could i possibly accomplish in merely 10 hours?

I’m 22 1/2, father time is catching up to me slowly and giving me exactly what I deserve for testing my whole limitations.

So, we were talking about 10 hours, right? What could one do in 10 measly hours? Well I could play video games all day, that could work. Or I can plan for a very difficult (and some may say, torturous) semester. I could sit down and think of the next great novella, or even poetry book, or I can sit down and watch my laptop all day, constantly refreshing the amount of books I’ve sold in their lifetime.

The possibilities are endless I suppose.

But in all honesty, what could a person do in 10 hours?

  1. Read a book
  2. Write more poems
  3. Pray
  4. Hit the gym
  5. Donate money
  6. Talk to your mom
  7. And your sisters
  8. Maybe even visit your dad who just came back from Pakistan
  9. Cradle your newborn nephew
  10. Play with your 3 year-old nephew
  11. Hang out with your friends
  12. Think of all the places you can travel to once YOU. HAVE. MONEY.
  13. Text the wife
  14. Go for a run
  15. Meditate
  16. Watch some netflix
  17. FaceTime the wife
  18. See the wife (she’s gonna kill me for how far down the list this is)
  19. Go to Starbucks
  20. Reconnect with high school friends (LOL pass)
  21. Fight with random people over twitter (Never do)
  22. Retweet funny memes
  23. Spend unreasonable amount of time on Reddit
  24. Watch some football (Rip Jets)
  25. Talk to brand new people
  26. Eat some good food and be grateful you have teeth
  27. Write the next great poem that’s as messed up as ‘Daddy’ by Sylvia Plath
  28. Listen to music
  29. Lay in bed and think of how people actually elected Donald Trump
  30. Have an existential crisis
  31. And a mental breakdown
  32. Also wonder why you’re back in bed
  33. Oh you can drive to Toronto in 8 hours
  34. 6 hours to Buffalo even
  35. Contemplate why you didn’t do more with your life, even though you’re only 22 years YOUNG.
  36. Uhm I think that may be it
  37. I should def try this blogging thing out
  38. Also this blog post only took me 28 minutes to make
  39. I should def revise it.
  40. But ill be back soon hopefully with more thought out posts
  41. i was just really inspired at the moment.
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The Artist

01930002I saw you on the street, and no lie, i couldn’t help but take a second glance. My body was facing the other way, when I quickly brought my film camera up to snap a picture of you. I’m usually embarrassed when it comes to street photography, my anxiety kicks in and the thought of “what is this fool doing” implants itself in my mind. This probably isn’t even considered good street photography, but hey, I found it interesting.

I can’t remember your face, or if i even saw it. Your age will forever stay in question. What I do remember is the flurry of paintings you were selling in the middle of a packed New York City street. It seems they were your own, as you had a passion for the art you had. Anyone in their right mind would not be canvassing in the middle of the street if it was not their own art. The painting on your denim jacket is mesmerizing, as it catches the attention of whoever passes by. The hair, the eyes, even the fingers commanding you to step forward. What I did not see was the painting in the back. A woman, who stares in question, carrying a seductive vibe to her expression. The monochrome not giving glory to skin.

I shot this on May 20, 2017, and just yesterday got it developed. With the swiftness of my shot, this picture could have been a total blurry mess. This is an artist, who loves and shares his work, and maybe dreams of a career in it. I don’t know, this is really just a thought. An online journal entry if anything.

Happiness

What does it take to be happy? I don’t know, I have never known. I’ve always thought it was genuinely given to a person, as if it was a gift from God. But it is learned. Something that can either take a few minutes, or even forever to learn. As a person who struggles with depression and anxiety, happiness comes in time. A long time, which needs a ton of patience. Sometimes the wait is unbearable, where you don’t know when you’ll finally be happy. You sit there, waiting, and waiting for the day to come. It’s as if you’re going to be freed from jail, but it can either be at any moment, a couple of years, or never. The jail is my mind, as if I’m tied down to my own thoughts and forced to overthink each and every one of them that race by. Happiness is learned. Happiness comes in time. Don’t get me wrong, I get happy. I’m grateful for all those moments where I can smile uncontrollably. But those moments come rarely now. And i wish they didn’t.