Ramadan is over. The month were one is supposed to attain forgiveness and strive to be the best is over. I mean, we’re supposed to be trying to do that every month, but Ramadan is the month were we give 110% effort. Towards the end of the month, it hit me hard. I had not done enough. I know everyone says they don’t do enough and that’s okay, but i seriously lacked in every department. Quran was barely read on my part, salaat was read in the same barren way as before. I really missed out on it, and that’s bad on my part.
I can make excuses all day. I can say how my summer class took most of the time (which it really did). I was doing essays upon essays, and writing whenever I was free. That still gives me free time to try though. To pray, to get back on track, to get in touch with how i once was. Even if I was busy, I still could have changed some of my actions. I was acting the same way as I was during the other months. I can sit here, being told by others that they didn’t do enough, but knowing I could have done so much more only hurts so much more.
I don’t know. Maybe this ignites something in me. I’m disheartened by the way i was and the lack of faith i had. I almost feel numb if you wanna call it that. Empty could be thrown in as well. I have so much work to do, and no clue how much time i have left. I just pray its enough to find myself again. Inshallah. And everyone who was in the same boat as me, know that you’re not the only one. Make the intention, and try your best. Never lose faith, no matter how long it takes.